Inscentsced

My nose tingles, my lips are turning numb, and my whole body itches. No, I’m not coming down from some awesome party drug, or battling the swine flu… I’m dealing with perfume at work.

You see, I’m one of those people who can’t tolerate many chemicals, including cleansers, cosmetics, glues, and especially — especially — including perfume.

My coworkers know this. I’ve had to “come out” to them in a mass email. So why do they continue to torment me?

Are they just heartless? Do they really think that their need to “smell nice” is more important than my well-being? Or do they just not believe that their liberal dosing of Jean Nate causes my eyes to swell and throat to close up? Do they think I’m making this crap up, so that I can send out emails about myself — do they imagine that I get a charge out of that?

As I’ve written this, a slow ache has started behind my nose, crept up over my face, and is now traveling down into my shoulders where I know, from experience, it will settle for the rest of the day — or perhaps even week.

But let’s not talk about me. Let’s talk about her. Sitting over there, ten feet away, radiating scent-waves throughout the entire room. Why is it that so many people literally bathe themselves with scent? It’s not at all uncommon that one can walk into an empty room, and still smell the past occupant. That isn’t how it’s supposed to work, people. Your scent is supposed to be a surprise that someone picks up on as they lean in for a kiss, not a trumpet announcing your arrival.

And here I am, the canals in my ears swelling uncomfortably, my neck and chest turning red, and I’m expected to suffer through this for eight hours while this woman reeks me out from ten paces away. Except that even after eight hours, my pain won’t end. The headache doesn’t end, the skin reaction doesn’t end, and the muscle aches — as I’ve mentioned — can last for days. Surely, this isn’t fair. But what to do?